What is the price of immortality?
by Halo Cyan
Summary: Bella reflects on the passing of her friends and family and the price she has paid for immortality. Warnings: character death - more warnings in story.


**So I have a while before my lab starts, hence I'm writing. Also, I haven't read Twilight in ages, so there may be a few mistakes with details. If kindly you let me know of any, I'll be glad to fix them. **

**WARNING: mentioned character deaths and suicide. Also, I haven't written Twilight in ages. This idea suddenly popped into my head though when I was thinking about how immortality influences family. **

**I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does.**

* * *

What was the cost of immortality?

Bella sat there. She always sat there now, staring out of that window. She no longer went out for blood and the small droplets that Edward had once forced onto her were barely sufficient anymore.

_Please! _He had begged in the beginning, _don't do this to yourself! Please!_

But what else could she do but this? Her eyes, once a beautiful brown, then a brilliant red, then a gentle amber, had long faded into black. Yet, she had no desire sustain herself. Nothing. So she sat there and stared out of the window.

She watched the seasons turn. She saw the blazing suns of summer and the furious rains of winter, and she saw the new animals, each spring, come out of their burrows and sniff the crisp, cool air. She saw the leaves on the trees wither and die, but then come to life as the weather grew warm and the sun smiled again.

They_ would never return. _

_Was this the cost of immortality?_

It was always hard. Every single time. And it never became easier.

Her parents were the first. When she watched them age and pass on, she had wept. She knew it would happen eventually. She had known it ever since she was mature enough to know that time went on and that it took people with it. Of course, they were much older than she was. They would pass on well before she did. She had always known and accepted this. Still, that didn't stop it from hurting. She remembered standing at their graves, one hand holding Renesmee's tightly and the other clasped in Edward's strong grip. She had made it through then. She would hold on to Edward and Renesmee for eternity and make it through.

Next it was a little harder. Although she did not love them as she did her parents, she still felt saddened by the loss of her dear friends. She watched them as they grew old while she remained unchanged. They, who were the same age as her, people she had studied with, people who she had once expected to grow old with. Their sight faded, their hair grew a gleaming white, their hands became soft and wrinkled and they became gentle souls before their hearts stopped beating and they, too, passed on. And yet, she, Bella, stood on and watched – eternal and beautiful like a glacier which would remain for millennia to come. Yes, she watched and wept and still existed. One hand holding Renesmee and one enclosed in Edward's comforting grip.

Eternity was a long time. But she knew she could endure it. Live it, even. That was what she told herself. As long as she had Edward and Renesmee.

Jacob's passing had been particularly difficult. More so than the others. He had stayed with them, with Renesmee, for over two centuries. He, like them, unaging and unchanging. She had become so used to him. He was not her _lover,_ but still her love. And Renesmee's love. He was a brother, an uncle, a friend. Always yapping along happily and occasionally irritating Edward beyond safe boundaries. She had not expected him to go. But somehow he had managed it. Something changed and his lycanthropy disappeared. He was human again. And as all humans did. He found his place in the heavens with the many others that Bella had once known. It was hard because she had expected him to stay. She had expected his immortality to match hers. It hadn't. Once again, Bella endured, standing between the two people she loved most in the world.

Still. She could have lived on. Here with Edward and with Renesmee. Here with them for all eternity.

_If only._

Renesmee was the one who had broken her. Her darling, precious child.

Bella could never have imagined what it would be to lose her greatest love. At first she had not understood.

_How could Renesmee have died? Impossible!_ She didn't believe Edward when he had told her, even though he had wept. A heart-wrenchingly broken man, then. She didn't believe him.

The story came out.

Her cherished child had fallen in love with a man. A human. And, as all humans do, he had aged and he had passed on, even as Renesmee had remained the beautiful, eternal being that she was. She couldn't follow him. _She couldn't..._ But she _did_.

Renesmee was like a frozen lily, hard and unchanging, sitting on a river which was frozen on top, but raged with all the ferocity of its kind underneath. And then that ice had broken and that lily had fallen into its depths and become swept up in the river that was life and death.

And so she, too, had joined her beloved in the heavens.

At first, Bella couldn't comprehend it. "_Why would she throw away her life for a _human?"She had spat. _"She had everything! I bought her whatever she wanted! Clothes, cars, houses even! She had the world! She was strong, beautiful! She had everything!"_

"_But she didn't have her lover"_ Edward's soft voice had whispered to her.

"_What?"_

"_Her love. She died for him as I once would have died for you."_

And then that was it. Bella could not say anything as she stood at her child's grave with one hand enclosed in Edward's gentle clasp and the other hanging limply at her side, not even numbing as the winter air pushed against her frozen skin.

Like her frozen body, she too was frozen in time. For all of eternity.

What was the cost of immortality?

Edward had been the very last to go. Renesmee was his child as well and it had shattered him when she had gone. He was tormented day and night, and through twisted logic and hours of darkness, he came to blame himself utterly and entirely. It wasn't a shock to Bella as he disappeared one day. She knew he couldn't take it. Her world had burst and broken into a million beautiful, stained shards of ice at that moment.

She had been the only one then. She had stood at the foot of his grave and watched as the gravestone wore down with the years. Her unmoving, unchanging form, with her arms wrapped around herself, her hands holding on only to herself.

Was this the cost of immortality?

* * *

For the first time in years she closed her eyes. She stopped watching the turn of the seasons, the rise and fall of the sun, the birth of new life and the death of old. And she smiled.

Perhaps one day, she could go join everyone. Maybe she could go see her parents. Laugh with her friends again. Tease Jacob. Maybe she could kiss Edward like she once used to, caress his golden hair, whisper his name lovingly. And maybe, just maybe, she could once again see her darling Renesmee, she might hold her precious child. And then she would be happy: one hand holding Renesmee's and the other clasped tightly in Edward's.

Truly, immortal.

* * *

**Twilight is written in such a way that it presents a lot of space to explore death and immortality and relationships. Unfortunately, I feel that I haven't actually done it that well at all. **

**So I wanted to clear up something about Edward at the end. I do believe that he would lose it if he lost Renesmee. I mean this is his child. She's (genetically speaking) 50% Edward himself and 50% Bella (whom he loved so much that he tried to get himself killed when he thought she was dead). And also, he would have watched Renesmee grow up and generally have been attached because, she **_**is**_** his daughter. As to why he chose to die for Renesmee instead of live for Bella: one of the reasons is that Renesmee is his daughter (see sentences above), and also when you're upset (Well, more than upset in Edward's case) you tend to concentrate on what you have lost rather than what you still have. That, and you generally make bad decisions when upset. **

**Also, about her parents and friends. I believe that Bella would have been greatly upset at her parent's deaths, but I think she would have taken it better than some of the other deaths because she would always have known that they would die before her. As to her friends, it probably would have been shocking watching the people who were the same age as her, change and pass on even though she didn't. I think it's more of a primal shock: just not being able to comprehend the difference. **

**Finally. For all eternity. What really is eternal? Life certainly isn't, and depending on what you believe, is death?**

**To everyone following my _It began with the giggling_, I am really sorry for the massive break. I've been piecing this one together during break times, but I just seem to have run out of inspiration for the end. I know there are only two more chapters to go in that story, but I'm still having trouble with it. I wrote a draft, but it just wasn't up to scratch so I'm doing it again. Exams are also coming up so don't expect anything for the next four weeks or so. I will do it as soon as I'm done studying.**

**With love**

**-Halo**


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